Who Was I (part I)?

Circa 3rd-4th grade: Moved to Hardy Elementary. Very interested in entrepreneurship, Gary Vee, lemonade stands, vaquita porpoises, philanthropy, and politics. I thought I wanted to be the president. Dream college: Stanford (motivated by prestige)

Circa 5th grade: Campaigned for Joe Biden (led phone banks, ballot curing, etc.), enjoyed nature, gained a greater interest in martial arts. Dream college: still Stanford (motivated by prestige)

Particularly germane to my current interests, though, was my enrollment in the Art of Problem Solving during my fifth-grade year. My parents homeschooled me due to the pandemic, and they came across the Art of Problem Solving (an advanced math curriculum founded by Richard Rusczyk) on a homeschool parents thread. Luckily, they signed me up for the Prealgebra course (I stubbornly insisted on taking Prealgebra instead of “little kid” math), and that’s when I became cognisant of how I learned and recognised my love for solving complex problems. I wish I could say my first year with AoPS was solely filled with curiosity, but unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately, as this forced me to become relatively resilient), I would often get frustrated when I couldn’t solve a problem, throwing tantrums that were considerably blown out of proportion due to my perceived lack of ability. Despite this, these Prealgebra courses developed a strong math foundation, and, more importantly, taught me to reason from first principles (indirectly).

Circa 6-7th grade: Moved to Lewis Middle School—30 hours/week of martial arts. Dabbled in basketball (I am still trash), dating (still not my thing), and attempted to become popular (failed miserably). Tl;dr: I didn’t want to be “weird” anymore. I also joined Model United Nations (was somewhat naturally talented), which was, in a sense, my first interaction with research (I much preferred the writing and research to the adhoc debate).

When I went back to “normal” school in sixth grade, my problem solving muscle atrophied, and for the next two years, I was an exceptionally average kid miserably trying to fit in; I somewhat excelled in martial arts, got As in school (more on this later), and enjoyed traveling and spending time with my family, but I wasn’t very fulfilled or as challenged as I had been with AoPS. However, when I left martial arts and my sense of community alongside it during my final year of middle school, I became severely depressed: I left my school, isolated myself from my friends, and kept to myself the majority of the time (I’ve historically been very outgoing). This was exacerbated by social media (which I’ve since deleted), as I fell victim to the “manosphere” of David Goggins and Alex Hormozi. As I grew increasingly insecure, I would also take the words of my martial arts “Sensei,” Will B. Jackson (more on him later), various podcasters, and anyone who I perceived as superior (my parents notwithstanding, of course), motivating me to pursue interests that weren’t fulfilling (namely, martial arts and attempting to be popular).

Circa 8th grade: Moved to Mt. Everest Academy, where I attended classes once per week. Quit martial arts (scariest and best day of my life thus far). Became increasingly isolated and lonely. num_close_friends=0 (like genuinely). Skipped a year of math (the class was trivial, but in hindsight, it was a pivotal decision). I enjoyed playing around with ChatGPT to write fun stories or show my family, but wasn’t particularly interested beyond that.

Circa 9th grade: Moved to Patrick Henry High School (see a pattern?). Began forming some close friendships, specifically with Isaac Sadja. Skipped a year of Spanish (once again, a very trivial class, but an extraordinarily pivotal decision). Still extremely depressed, although I had escaped the manosphere, left social media, and was beginning to recognize my deteriorating mental state. I wanted to start a side hustle to make some extra money. Dream school: no college.

I’ll pause here, as a significant (and fortunate) life event occurred at the beginning of my second semester of high school that dramatically shifted my outlook on life. This will be the subject of next month’s blog.

• I am incredibly grateful for the support of my mom, sister, and dad throughout my childhood, but especially beginning around seventh grade. I am also indebted to any particularly kind teachers, especially Ms. Oshiro, Mr. Nielsen, Mr. Reinheimer, Ms. Labe, and Mr. Stanko.

** After I quit martial arts, I was initially resentful (to say the least) of my Sensei, as he had ingrained in me some of the very toxic beliefs that contributed greatly to my depression and self-isolation. However, I would like to believe I have grown more mature since eighth grade. longer resentful of the nine years I spent doing martial arts. Although I learned some unfavorable character traits, I also learned the importance of discipline and hard work. Yes, it is extremely cliché, and everyone says they have their “Rocky Cut Scene Moment.” I believe that my sensei’s consistent emphasis on relentless discipline and ambition had a particularly profound effect on how I approach all problems to this day. I remember he would often repeat the phrase “80% of people live their life on autopilot, that’s why 20% of people got all the stuff [sic],” and although the split is probably more unequal (99% on autopilot, 1% successful), the underlying principle still holds; to feel fulfilled and “get the stuff” (at the time, this would have meant money, although what I value has since changed) one must be incredibly intentional and often contrarian. This has affected me to this day.